The Name Game

Whenever I hear someone poking fun of someone else’s name I am quick to educate them that the person didn’t name him or herself. That is usually done by the parent or parents of the child or, in the case of Orenthal James Simpson, yes the infamous OJ Simpson, the aunt of the child. It turns out, in fact, that his nickname OJ is very fitting if you are referring to his apparel of choice these days – Orange Jumpsuit.

Now someone could easily surmise that being born in the late sixties and having a name like Kiki, that my parents were total, peace-love-and-Bobby-Sherman type hippies living in some kind of commune when I was born. On the contrary…my mother was a teacher who stayed home to raise her three children and my father was a pilot for a major (at that time anyway) airline. Not only that, but my brother actually gave me the nickname, Kiki, when he began to talk but had a hard time with the name Kirsten. I completely understand since even most fully grown humans can’t pronounce my real name correctly.

There is an umlaut (you know a double dot) over my “i” which is there to indicate a vowel sound different from that of the actual letter. So the kir part of my name rhymes with dear. Hmmmm…come to think of it, maybe my parents were a couple of closet hippies!

Parents need to be extra careful when naming their child. A car is not necessarily a good name for a person (Porsche), nor is a brand of shoe (Timberland) or a piece of fruit (Apple). Also, naming your child Shithead but pronouncing it Sha teed might have some later repercussions. Or naming her La-ia and pronouncing it La Dashia (yes, pronouncing the dash) is not recommended for it is just wrong.

Also, I highly recommended that you do not give your son the middle name Wayne. Besides the most heinous murderers like John Wayne Gacy and Elmer Wayne Henley there are scores of other murderers sporting Wayne as their middle name. If you don’t believe me, check it out on the googles.

So I have been Kiki since I was just a toddler but I didn’t learn the meaning of my nickname, in Filipino, until my mid-thirties.

Upon being introduced to a particular middle-aged women, she shook my hand and giggled.

“What did you say your name was?” she asked.

“Kiki,” I politely replied. And then I spelled it for her as I often do but I'm not sure why I feel the need to do that.

Apparently something was very amusing to her.

“Do you know what Kiki means in Filipino?” she asked in between snorts.

I shook my head.

“It means pussy,” she said as she pointed to her underpants area. Then she began to whisper, “Pussy...as in slang for a women’s vagina...not a pussy cat,” she further explained even though I didn’t really need further explanation as I completely understood what she meant by pussy when she started pointing at her vagina.

That’s just swell!

Note to self…if I am ever in the Philippines, make certain to only use my real name.